Why You Should Learn to Fail Better: The Art of Resilience and Recovery

I want to talk about something that might feel a bit counterintuitive at first—failure. Yes, you read that right! We often hear about the importance of success, setting goals, and achieving dreams, but we rarely talk about the other side of the coin: failure.

Let’s get one thing straight—failure is not the enemy. In fact, learning how to “fail better” can be one of the most powerful skills you develop in life. It can lead to greater resilience, spark your creativity, and ultimately, pave the way for more meaningful accomplishments. So, let’s shift the focus from avoiding failure at all costs to embracing it as a critical part of our journey. Let’s explore the art of resilience and recovery and learn how to fail in a way that helps us grow.

The Stigma of Failure: Why We Fear It

From a young age, many of us are conditioned to see failure as something negative—a sign of inadequacy or a lack of talent. Society celebrates winners and often views failure as a setback or something to be ashamed of. We fear failure because it exposes our vulnerabilities, challenges our self-worth, and makes us feel judged by others.

But what if we flipped this narrative? What if, instead of fearing failure, we saw it as a valuable teacher? What if we understood that failure is not the opposite of success but a stepping stone on the path to achieving it? As someone who has faced my own share of setbacks and challenges, I believe that embracing failure is essential to living a full, authentic life.

Why Failing Better is Essential for Growth

So, why should you learn to fail better? Here are a few compelling reasons:

Failure Builds Resilience: Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity, to keep going despite setbacks. Every time you fail and choose to rise again, you are building mental and emotional strength. You learn to adapt, to face challenges head-on, and to develop a mindset that doesn’t give up easily. Resilience isn’t something you’re born with—it’s a skill you develop through experience, especially through experiencing failure.
Failure Fuels Creativity: When things don’t go as planned, we’re forced to think outside the box. Failure pushes us to explore new strategies, consider different perspectives, and come up with creative solutions we might not have thought of if everything had gone smoothly. Some of the most groundbreaking inventions and ideas have come from people who failed repeatedly but kept experimenting until they found what worked.
Failure Enhances Learning and Growth: Failure is one of the best teachers in life. When we fail, we are given a unique opportunity to learn—about ourselves, about our methods, and about what doesn’t work. It forces us to analyze our actions, identify mistakes, and refine our approach. This process of reflection and adjustment is crucial for growth.
Failure Builds Authentic Confidence: True confidence doesn’t come from always succeeding; it comes from knowing that you can handle whatever comes your way, even when things don’t go according to plan. When you learn to fail better, you build a deeper sense of self-assurance because you know you’re capable of handling setbacks and using them as fuel to propel you forward.
Failure Leads to More Meaningful Success: Success that comes easily is often less fulfilling than success that is hard-won. When you achieve something after overcoming significant obstacles and failures, it feels that much sweeter because you’ve earned it. The journey of failing and getting back up gives your accomplishments more meaning and purpose.

How to Fail Better: Practical Strategies

Now that we understand why failing better is important, let’s look at how you can embrace failure in a way that fosters growth, creativity, and resilience. Here are some practical strategies to help you on your journey:

1. Redefine Failure

First, change your perspective on failure. Instead of seeing it as a dead-end or a reflection of your worth, view it as feedback—an opportunity to learn and grow. Remind yourself that failure is not the end; it’s just part of the process. It doesn’t define you; it refines you.

2. Cultivate a Growth Mindset

Adopt a growth mindset, a concept popularized by psychologist Carol Dweck. A growth mindset is the belief that your abilities can be developed through dedication, effort, and learning. People with a growth mindset see failure as an opportunity to improve, not as a sign that they’re not good enough. When you approach challenges with a growth mindset, you become more resilient and more willing to take risks.

3. Reflect on Your Failures

Take the time to reflect on your failures. Ask yourself what went wrong, why it went wrong, and what you can learn from the experience. This kind of reflection turns failures into valuable lessons and helps you avoid making the same mistakes in the future. Journaling can be a helpful tool for this—write down what happened, how it made you feel, and what you learned from it.

4. Separate Your Identity from Your Actions

It’s essential to remember that your failures do not define you. You are not your mistakes. Your worth as a person is not determined by your successes or failures. Separate your identity from your actions, and approach each failure with curiosity rather than self-judgment. This mindset shift can help you take risks without fear of damaging your self-esteem.

5. Find the Silver Lining

Every failure has a lesson or an unexpected benefit, even if it’s not immediately obvious. Practice finding the silver lining in every setback. Did you learn something new? Did it open up a new opportunity? Did it help you discover a new passion or interest? By finding the positives, you can reframe failure as a valuable experience rather than a negative one.

6. Embrace Failure as Part of the Journey

Instead of trying to avoid failure, embrace it as an inevitable part of the journey toward success. Understand that everyone who has achieved anything meaningful has experienced failure along the way. It’s not a sign that you’re on the wrong path; it’s often a sign that you’re pushing your limits and trying something new.

7. Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself when you fail. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend who is going through a tough time. Recognize that failure is a part of being human and that it’s okay to make mistakes. Practicing self-compassion helps you bounce back more quickly and reduces the fear of failure.

8. Take Small Risks Regularly

Get comfortable with taking risks by starting small. Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone regularly, even in minor ways. By doing this, you’ll build a tolerance for failure and learn to see it as a natural part of growth. As you become more comfortable with small failures, you’ll be better prepared to handle bigger setbacks with grace.

Real-Life Examples: The Power of Failing Better

To truly understand the power of learning to fail better, let’s look at some real-life examples of people who turned their failures into stepping stones for success:

Thomas Edison: Edison is famously known for his perseverance. When asked about his repeated failures in inventing the light bulb, he reportedly said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Edison saw each failure as a step closer to his goal, and this relentless attitude eventually led to one of the most significant inventions in history.
J.K. Rowling: Before becoming one of the best-selling authors of all time, J.K. Rowling faced multiple rejections from publishers, struggled with depression, and was a single mother living on welfare. Her experience of failure helped shape her resilience, and she went on to create the beloved Harry Potter series, touching millions of lives.
Michael Jordan: Widely regarded as one of the greatest basketball players of all time, Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. Instead of giving up, he used this failure as motivation to work harder and improve his skills, eventually becoming a six-time NBA champion and a global icon.

These stories remind us that failure is not something to fear—it’s something to embrace. The most successful people in the world have all experienced failure, but they learned from it, adapted, and kept moving forward.

The Beauty of Failure: A Personal Perspective

As someone who has faced significant personal and professional challenges, I’ve come to see failure in a new light. My own health journey—battling leukemia as a child and later facing heart failure—taught me that setbacks are often opportunities in disguise. Each personal and professional setback has brought me closer to my purpose, deepened my empathy for others, and strengthened my resolve to help others on their healing journeys.

I’ve learned that failure is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of bravery and courage. It’s a sign that you’re pushing your limits and striving for growth. And most importantly, it’s a sign that you’re living fully and authentically.

Final Thoughts: Embrace the Art of Failing Better

Learning to fail better is about recognizing that failure is not something to be avoided or feared; it’s something to be embraced and learned from. It’s about developing resilience, fostering creativity, and staying open to new possibilities. It’s about understanding that every setback is a setup for a comeback.

So, the next time you face a failure, don’t be disheartened. Instead, ask yourself: What can I learn from this? How can I use this experience to grow, to become stronger, and to get closer to my goals? Remember, the art of failing better is not about avoiding failure—it’s about using it as a powerful tool for personal and professional growth.

Keep shining, keep striving, and most importantly, keep learning to fail better.

With love and resilience,

Dr. Lisa